I finally got my letter to the parents out on Wednesday.  So many deadlines this week: report cards, Reading Assessments, etc… It’s four pages of explanation.  I know it will not explain why it took me so long to write it.

When you lose someone…someone you loved very much AND someone you know loved you, perhaps you’ll understand.  It’s kidda like the wind gets knocked out of you. You don’t want to be happy.  You just want to remember the person you lost.  I guess you feel like you cannot celebrate anything because the person you loved so much is not there to celebrate with you. It’s not like losing a boyfriend.  That’s a guy who just doesn’t love you or himself enough to fight for the relationship.  This is someone who was always there for you.  Now, he’s no longer there.  The pain is beyond excruciating.

Losing your grandfather was like that for me.  There are not many truly good men in this world.  So many are lazy and full of excuses.  Those who live their lives with gusto, many are heavy handed and cruel.  Your grandfather was a truly good man.

I had a dream about him the other night.  He was helping me talk to “the parents” about the situation.  You both were there too.  You were both hanging out in a corner hoping the adults would get their act together and start acting more maturely.  The parents came to the meeting and they were very receptive to my thoughts.  I shook hands with your step mother and gave Dad a big hug.  But I think the real message of the dream was clear – the parents MUST be receptive or there is little point in talking to them.  It was like Grandpa was telling me, “Wait for this and continue to wait until they are ready to receive.”

So, I’m waiting… I know you both are too.

In the meantime, I know there are boyfriends and school activities to fill your days.

My days are filled with teaching, learning, writing and playing the violin.  I had my first music recital in more than thirty years at my home yesterday.  I made a few mistakes, but I finished.  I had a solo, a Hanukah song.  Afterwards, we had a little tea party.  There were cookies, tarts, cucumber sandwiches and, of course, a special blended Christmas tea. I always remember the tea parties we had when you were both little, remember?

Picture coming soon?

And yes Bea, I remember that you don’t like tea.  There was strawberry juice and hot chocolate too. 🙂

Here is a piece that I helped play in my recital.  I didn’t play all the notes you are hearing.  I’m not that good yet.  But after just three months of playing, I can play the simple part that the cellos kept repeating over and over.  It’s called Pachelbel’s Canon in D.  This piece is played at a lot of weddings.  This is the video I’ve been practicing to for the last few weeks. It’s very soft and beautiful.  Imagine yourself walking down the aisle to the fella you love.  I want your lives to be filled with such joy!  That has always been my wish for you.  I’m enjoying life as best as I can without my two sweet girls.  I’m officially a musician!  YEAH!  Enjoy!