My darling girls,
I hate to think that you are dealing with all sorts of emotional things without the wise counsel of your older sister. So I thought it might be a good idea to counsel you on the art of breaking up/being broken up with so that you will make the transition more smoothly. I do not know when or if you’ll need this advice. But now it is here if you ever require it.
Part 1: The Art of Breaking Up With Someone
You break up a relationship when you feel like there is something wrong with the relationship. “They call it a break up because it is broken” is a modern axiom you’ll hear in the dating world. Try NOT to feel guilty when you have to break up with someone. You are doing it for one of two reasons:
- They are not ready for you.
- You are not ready for them.
Either case is absolutely acceptable. Try to think of the person breaking up with you as if they are trying to do what is best in the situation. They are an angel of sorts. I know this can be hard when they do unangelic things like break up with you publicly, via facebook, email or through your friends. But try, nonetheless, to see this rejection as “protection from God.” In the weeks and months that follow, you may discover that this person had a really good reason for feeling as they did. As long as you act with strength and dignity, what can anyone say against you? I know, high school can be hard. Kids are just cruel.
If you break up with someone, you will still miss the person very much. You might even still love them. Continue to allow yourself this feeling. What hurts so much in break ups is this insane idea that we can no longer love the person we left behind. Love them but be sure that you realize that they have a right to move on and so do you.
I broke up with a fella a few years ago. His name was Randy. Do you remember him? I did not love him the way I needed to love him. I knew I was making his life miserable. We ended our relationship in August 2012. I did not date anyone for a while. I did not want to make the same mistake and latch onto someone before he had my full and loving heart.
When you break up with someone, keep busy. Make a list of goals you want to accomplish and start pursuing them. Let the other person alone so they can get over their feelings for you. Randy and I only started speaking via Facebook recently. And I was very careful NOT to rub in his face the fact that I had moved on.
Do not talk to your ex for awhile: anywhere between 2-6 months. You need to give them a chance to move on. And that means NO communication: text, Facebook, phone, snail mail, nothing. Let them wonder what you are up to.
Do stay away from things and places that remind you of that person. You’ll be able to enjoy that stuff at a later point, but you need to force yourself to do and be interested in other things.
I know the desire to get them back is VERY strong. And who knows? It could happen. But it WILL NOT happen – if you do not let the person go. I mean truly let them go. Some people say that “Loving is letting someone go.” If they really love you and it is God’s plan, they will come back to you. In the meantime, take a deep breath…relax. You’ve just joined the human race. We all break up with someone at some point. Do not stress. You are not an evil person. You see something broken that must be attended to. You have a responsibility to acknowledge it. And you have a right to peace. These days, my motto is “if they don’t bring peace into my life, they don’t enter my life.” If breaking up with someone gives you peace – take it. We all need more peace in our world. XXOO
