To the Parents of Purity and Bea,
If you are reading this, you have discovered my attempts to stay close to Purity and Bea. The reason why I have tried so hard to keep in contact with them is NOT because I am trying to defy you. I am very aware of how often their mother has walked out of their lives. I am aware of this because the girls told me how much this hurt them during our outings over the years. They don’t need another adult to walk out of their lives. I was simply trying to be there for the girls. I thought you’d be sensitive to this fact about the them. I’m sorry you feel that my presence is such an imposition.
I’m not sure when loving the girls became such an imposition? I have loved them both since they came into the world and I have been in their lives for the entirety of their lives. So, asking one (or both) of them to come live with me when they turned eighteen was not odd. It was not a negative comment on your parenting style. I just wanted to help Purity and Bea. I wanted to give them options. In this world, a gal has a better chance when she has safe options.
But somehow, this situation got construed into some kind of conspiracy. On Christmas Day, 2013 you decide to come at me (in front of the girls) and act like this is some kind of attack on you. I tried to get you to sideline the conversation as you were trying to discuss this in front of Purity and Bea. This was NOT appropriate. And being an educator yourself, you should know this. Children should not have to watch adults (they love) argue. You started to let go of the conversation when I said we’d discuss it later with other ADULTS. But then, you launched into ANOTHER issue with me taking Purity driving. REALLY?! I guess you didn’t get the hint that this was NOT an appropriate conversation to have at this point?????
Grandpa Gordy tried to talk “man to man” with Father about it two months later. He wanted to deescalate the situation. He was told that “Prudence was at the wrong place at the wrong time.” Odd thing for someone to say. If I was SO wrong, why didn’t Father just say so?
I was hoping that by giving you both time to think, you might realize that you could have handled the situation better. You did not know the facts. Here they are…
- I did invite Purity (and later Bea) to live with me but ONLY after they turned 18.
- Like most teenagers do, the girls complained about you BUT I defended you much of the time as I feel Father wasn’t very strict in the discipline department when the children were younger. Then, YOU had to play “bad cop” to make up for his lack of discipline in the past. As teachers, we both have to deal with situations like this on a daily basis. I was, in fact, trying to support you.
- This was NOT a conspiracy. This was an attempt to give EVERYONE involved a little breathing room. This way you all could step back from the situation and come back later with a fresher perspective.
You just seem to have decided I was against you somehow and locked the children out of my life. You are using the children as weapons to try to make adults around you do what you want: adults like Oldest Brother, Aunt Bee, Uncle Jay, Grandma Dot, and Grandma Shirley. This is wrong. Children need extended family members. These people are VITAL to children feeling secure and loved.The children are the ones who are going to suffer.
I did try to talk to Father about this and I tried to talk to you about this. I hoped that talking to one of you instead of both of you might make you realize how “mountainous you’ve made this molehill.” But instead, it seems to be yet another bone of contention with you. And the girls don’t need to see ANOTHER argument between us.
When one of you are ready to realize how you both have contributed to the ugliness of this situation, I’ll be happy to discuss this with that parent. I have already apologized to Father twice before now. But, I will not allow you to “throw me under the bus.” And I’m certainly not going to allow Purity and Bea to watch yet another “bus accident” between us.
Sincerely,
Prudence Scattergoode
P.S.I have a right to invite ANYONE to my home that I choose to. I am NOT your child. I do not have to ask YOUR permission to invite someone to my home. And when they are adults, the girls can (or not) take me up on the offer. It really doesn’t concern you.
